Cat Fancy
By Jackie Vick
Category: Fantasy |
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Elliot Benders reached back his hand, intending to swat the eight pound ball of fur from his lap, but he caught Aunt Millicent’s disapproving glance and moved to scratch the creature’s ears instead.
“Cats can sense it when you don’t like them,” Aunt Millicent said, tying off her last stitch. She shook out the completed project–a turquoise-blue scarf, kitty-sized. “Don’t you think this will bring out Crystal’s eyes?” she asked.
Elliot frowned at the flat, white Persian face that stared up at him. In response, Crystal narrowed her brilliant blue eyes and hissed. A tortoise-shell tomcat crept onto the armrest of his chair and sniffed his ear, while two Siamese darted across the room, chasing a small, black streak. The Tabby on the window ledge, occupied by a twittering Robin, ignored them all. Aunt Millicent’s little buddies, Elliot called them. Her best friends. Her heirs.
When he first heard his aunt’s plans to leave her fortune to her four- footed companions, it amused him to imagine the cats gathered around crates of expensive catnip and caviar. Then he realized Aunt Millicent was serious.
He flattered himself that he was a charmer. His visits became daily. But still she persisted in cutting him off in favor of Crystal. And Queenie. And Toby, Patches, Tinker and Jade.
After weeks of research, Elliot knew enough about felis catus to teach a course at the community college. One useful tidbit he found in a health magazine said that cat urine contained ammonia. The labels on cleaning products warned against lethal whiffs, didn’t they? The addition of bleach would guarantee a lethal mixture.
First, he convinced Aunt Millicent to purchase a hooded litter box in order to provide the darlings with privacy. She had loved the idea, giggling every time the tiny door swung on its hinges. Next, he doused a bag of litter with an entire bottle of ammonia and half a gallon of bleach and sealed it up tight. All that remained was to empty the bag into the litter box, and the unsuspecting cats would find a deadly surprise the next time they entered. Once they were kitty corpses, he could suggest that she hadn’t kept the box clean, had allowed the poisonous gas to build up, and was responsible for the death of her darlings. She’d probably believe him.
“Would you like more tea?” he asked, and he slipped from the room.
He grimaced as he removed the hood from the litter box and prepared to replace the harmless litter with new, ammonia-laced sand. He could quickly contain the poisonous gas by replacing the lid, and then nature could take its course.
As he reached for the bag, a furry white body wove around his feet.
“Stop that,” he muttered, nudging the cat aside. “Don’t worry. You’ll get your chance to try out the new formula soon enough.”
The cat renewed her efforts, weaving and darting as he dodged and shuffled. He stepped to the left when he should have gone right, and his ankles tangled around legs and tail. When he dropped to the floor, his head hit the ground with a firm thump, and lighted spots danced before his eyes.
Suddenly, the bag of littler gently tottered to the floor, the opening pointed directly at his face. He gasped, an unwise move, and the deadly gases drifted down his throat. The last thing he saw before the room went black was a furry white paw, perched on the half-empty bag.
“I don’t understand,” Aunt Millicent said to the paramedic.
“It looks like he was changing the litter box for you and hit his head,” the EMT said. Elliot’s face, frozen in surprise, looked up at them through a pile of fresh litter. The odor had by now dissipated, and all that remained was the fresh floral scent advertised by the company.
“He was such a considerate boy,” Aunt Millicent said. “That’s why I was going to leave him all my money.” She smiled sadly. “I used to joke about leaving it to the cats, but now it looks like they’re the only ones left to inherit.”
Across the room, five hungry felines hovered over their food bowls and mewed impatiently. Crystal merely licked her white paw, turquoise-blue eyes glinting with satisfaction.
